MY ACCOUNT

July 2

Hi mum,
 

It’s been a few weeks since my last letter, and a lot has happened since I went over to Jenna’s with the cheese buns.

​

I’m a little ashamed to admit that it was then that I realized our friendship had been a heavily one-sided investment. It became more obvious when I noticed that I’d never once been to visit Jenna, or taken anything over for her and Jerry. Jenna’s face when she opened the door and saw me standing there confirmed that observation. It was pure shock, which she cordially and quickly corrected with a warm smile.

​

Though she kindly invited me in, it was the first time I’d ever seen her visibly uncomfortable, and I felt awful. Nora told me that Jenna had definitely known I’d lied, and so I knew that Jenna’s discomfort was because of me.

​

“Jenna, I’m so sorry,” I burst out, rather awkwardly, as soon as I’d crossed the threshold.

​

Jenna was startled. “Sorry? What for?” she asked as she closed the door behind me.

​

She walked me into the kitchen and gestured for me to take a seat at the table as she pulled out a pitcher of iced tea from the fridge.

​

I took a deep breath and continued. “I’m sorry I turned down your invitation to go out with your friends… and for lying about having to work.”

​

“Oh!” Jenna said, looking somewhat embarrassed.

​

I rushed on, needing to explain. “I didn’t mean to lie, really! It was just me being silly and insecure and stuck in my old habits of being alone. It just came out! I was scared. I didn’t even think about it until Nora pointed it out to me.” It was my turn to be embarrassed, as the words poured out. I could feel my cheeks flushing, my face getting hotter with shame, and I looked down at my hands, still foolishly gripping the covered basket of cheese buns like it was a lifeline.

​

“Scared?! Of what?” Jenna asked in surprise.

​

I flinched as I admitted, “Of being able to make friends.”

​

“Oh!” Jenna said with a giggle. I looked up in surprise and she snorted as a laugh escaped her.
“Sorry!” she exclaimed, snorting again.

​

I couldn’t tell if she was laughing at my confession. I guess it could be humorous, a grown woman being afraid to make friends. But it didn’t seem like Jenna to poke fun at me for that.

​

The expression on my face must have also been comical, a mix of shame and shock, because Jenna snorted a few more times looking at me before she gained her composure and took a seat across from me at the table.

​

“I had no idea that’s why you made up the work excuse! I thought maybe I’d just been too pushy, and when I told Jerry what happened, he said it was probably because I’d ignored boundaries again and had been invading your space. And when I started thinking about it, I’d been convinced he was right! I think I came to your place every day, always eating your food, and always without invitation... How rude of me!” Jenna snorted again, laughing at herself, then attempted to put on a somber expression to show that her apology was sincere.

​

But Jenna’s lightheartedness was contagious, and I found myself smiling back at her despite my embarrassment, and I squirmed as I confessed: “Well, I admit, I didn’t know what to do with myself when you started coming over. You know I’d never really had a friend before. And there you were, every day, in my kitchen, rating my cooking!”

​

Jenna snorted another laugh. “I did warn you the first day that I had no boundaries!”

​

And how glad I am that she doesn’t!

​

Eventually I remembered the cheese buns, and we ate those with the candied jalapenos; Jenna rated the buns a 4.5 out of 5 because she thinks they could be modified to include different cheeses (like feta) for varying flavors, which is an interesting idea I’ll have to play around with.

​

But then I told Jenna the idea that I’d had… a potluck at my place at the end of summer, with the whole neighborhood and Jenna’s girlfriends, and a feature spread of some of the Salt recipes.

​

Jenna’s jaw dropped. I thought it was because she was surprised by my idea to be more social, until she said, “A potluck? I hope you don’t expect me to bring a homemade dish!”

​

I made a deal with her that if she helped me host, she wouldn’t have to bring anything (which is a win for everyone involved – she really can’t cook!). Jenna jumped up to grab a pen and paper and started ooh-ing and aah-ing over which Salt dishes we should feature, but then came up with a really creative promo idea: a signature Salt dessert cocktail or mocktail to serve at the potluck to officially introduce the cookbook.

​

Jenna and Nora have now entirely taken over that project and told me that once they narrow down ideas for the dessert cocktail, they’ll let me know so I can start formulating recipes for them to judge. Jerry’s gotten in on the fun, too, making lists of bitters and extracts and flavor profiles for Jenna and Nora to explore.

​

So for the past few weeks, we’ve been having daily pow-wows at our place to discuss the feature dishes, the guest list, the food categories for the potluck (so that we don’t end up with 20 casseroles), the music, and the decor. Jenna and Nora have gotten so into this that they’ve even told me they’ve got a couple surprises planned for me!

​

I’m really grateful for their enthusiasm about this, because it’s helped ease my anxiety about the looming prospect of a very large and personal social gathering. At my own house. Where I can’t escape. Oh dear. Why did I think this was a good idea??

​

I hear Jenna downstairs; actually, she’s hollering at me to come down to check out some of the decor pieces she’s picked up. I’ll update you soon!

​

 

Love,

​

Beatrix