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March 29
Hi mum,
Sorry for the abrupt end to my last letter. I had to pause to consider some things. It’s difficult, confronting these old memories, remembering our time together, and not getting any response back. I’ve been in survival mode these last 18 years, running and hiding from my old life and those memories, that I had to ask myself whether the trade was worthwhile: letting go of my anger at you, in exchange for these recollections, in the hope of rediscovering who I am and what my life is about.
I don’t even know if it’s doable, letting go of my anger.
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Nora says that it’ll fade, that it might not go away completely, but it’ll get worn down by being in touch. She said it’s like how the ocean wears down the rough edges of stones and glass. Rocks stay still, anchored, sharp and stubborn, but over time, the fluidity of the ocean smooths those rigid forms. It reminded me of our trip to the Grand Canyon, seeing how the water had carved such a path through the rocky plain that it became a monument. It amazes me how there’s so much power in a soft element like water that just its natural movement can affect and transform something so solid.
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In a way, I feel like it’s similar to how salt transforms food. I remember when we’d visit the markets in the spring and get fresh nectarines. They were ripe and fleshy and so juicy that just one bite could make your chin a syrupy mess. But you used to slice them and sprinkle different types of salt on each slice, teaching me to notice the differences in the flavors of the salt and how it changed the taste of the fruit. Some made the fruit sweeter, some made the nectarine flavor punchier, some melded with the juice to create a new type of umami, a new type of savory-ness that filled your mouth with different flavor notes all at once: tart, sweet, salty, juicy.
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It was how you taught me the power of seasoning, how something as acrid as salt can bring out the unique flavor of a food, exposing any hidden sweet notes, and how the food also changes the nature of the salt. They both become something new.
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It’s why we always added a sprinkle of fleur de sel to our soft-serve ice cream, why we added chili and salt to fresh passionfruit, and why we used to add maldon salt, fresh cracked pepper, and lime juice to grilled pineapple.
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I think (or hope, rather) that this cookbook will help people explore salt more. A lot of people don’t even know how many types of salt there are, and how many different ways it can transform not just the flavor of the food, but the texture, the bite, the crunch.
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Today I’m going to be making your Peanut Butter Toffees… with some amendments. After my last letter, I couldn’t stop thinking about caramelized sugar. But I’ve been experimenting with the ingredients a little. Normally, toffees and caramels are made with cane sugar and corn syrup, as you know. But the type of sugar used changes the chemistry of how the ingredients come together, and I’ve been experimenting with the caramelization of different sugars. This week I played with date sugar, palm sugar, maple sugar, coconut sugar, even fresh dried dates!
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I loved how your addition of peanut butter to the toffee, instead of milk, yielded a chewy confection that had a beautifully nutty flavor. But I changed that, too. Because of the sugar swap, the flavor of the peanuts was a little too strong and at odds with the flavor of the sugars. I wanted something that had a more neutral flavor, so I’ve used almond butter.
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I’ll admit, I’m still working out an issue of the toffees cooling too quickly to be able to cut them nicely, but I’m going to make another batch with some minor variations to see if I can’t fix that.
Love,
Beatrix
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P.S. I was making another batch after writing this and was interrupted by something very unexpected. I’ll explain in my next letter.
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Chewy Almond Butter Toffees
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/3 cup creamy almond butter
1/4 cup water
1/4 cup coconut sugar
1/2 cup coconut nectar
maldon salt (optional)
1. Measure out vanilla extract and almond butter. Set aside.
2. Line a rimmed baking sheet with parchment paper.
3. Place water, coconut sugar, and coconut nectar in a medium pot and heat over medium-high heat until mixture comes to a boil and sugar has dissolved. Stir occasionally.
4. Insert candy thermometer in sugar mixture (don’t let it touch the bottom or sides of pot), and continue to boil until the mixture reaches 283 F.
5. When thermometer reads 283, quickly add vanilla extract and almond butter. Remove from heat, then stir to combine.
6. Quickly pour the mix out onto the parchment-lined baking sheet, and use a silicone spatula to spread out the mixture to approximately 1/2 inch thickness.
7. (Optional) Sprinkle with maldon salt flakes.
8. Use a greased pizza cutter to score the toffee into bite-sized squares. Repeat each scored line every few seconds until the toffee is cut through.
9. Allow to cool, approximately 2 hours, then store in a parchment-paper lined airtight container at room temperature.
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